I have always had a funny relationship with God. Not that I don’t believe in him but I have not always gone to him when in need or thanked him when life went well. At the baby’s funeral I remember hearing the priest remind us how in times like this we need to turn to God, but I also remembering thinking that God was a part of all of this and I somehow felt angry.
Going to church after we lost Daniel was hard. The last time we went I was pregnant. Doing anything for the first time after the loss seems hard – grocery shopping, picking Sean up from school, going to work. It serves as a reminder of what I had and what I don’t have now. The church prayed for Daniel that Sunday after his funeral. John brought Sean to the bathroom - a spot Sean frequently visits during mass - and I was sitting alone in the pew. I couldn’t help but cry and cry loudly -much more so than I would have liked.
I guess I'm not angry at God - I try not to be. I am trying my hardest to tie a perfectly concrete scientific reason to it all. However, I take comfort in the words John’s brother offered to us about God’s reasoning – “God gave you this great pain now so as to protect you from having to suffer an even greater pain and loss in the future. Maybe Daniel would have been sick or lived a short life and died young. God gave you this now because he knew you could handle it now as oppossed to later.”
2 comments:
Marissa, I want to share a poem with you:
HE MAKETH NO MISTAKES
My Father's way may twist and turn,
My heart may throb and ache,
But in my soul I'm glad I know
He maketh no mistake.
My cherished plans may go astray,
My hopes may fade away,
But still I'll trust my Lord to lead
For He doth know the way.
Tho' night be dark and it may seem,
That day will never break;
I;ll pin my faith, my all in Him,
He maketh no mistake.
There's so much now I cannot see,
My eyesight's far too dim;
But come what may, I'll simply trust
And leave it all to Him.
For by and by the mist will lift
and plain it all He'll make,
Through all the way, tho' dark to me,
He made not one mistake.
---A.M. Overton
Our love and prayers are with you,
Love, Karen (Ted's wife)
We have lost two grandchildren...we understand. I have written a book and included the poem "He Maketh No
Mistakes...do you know the publisher of this poem. Would greatly appreciate any assistance.
Sincerely,
God is Good
Jan Johansson
RandJJohansson@Gamil.com
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