My Husband

Never have I loved him so much as the day I lost my child. When my first son was born I had a very difficult recovery and my husband was there for me the entire time. I was so appreciative of him, but at the same time I was grappling with being a new mother, physically recovering, and dealing with a wealth of other issues going on in my life that consumed me and my ability to truly appreciate all he did. With Danny he again was supportive. I just remember him telling me how much he loved me when he first walked in the door after we found out that the baby had died. He wanted whatever I wanted even if it wasn’t the right thing. He made all the calls, he stayed by my side in the hospital, and he never took his eyes off of me when we delivered our baby. Above all else he was strong enough to be there for our baby when I just couldn’t. We wanted to see the baby, but I had a hard time holding him. I knew him in my tummy when he was alive and kicking and growing so seeing him after he was gone was hard and I could only hold him for a few minutes. My husband held him for what seemed like an eternity. John cradled Danny in his arms in the rocking chair while he spoke to him as if he were coming home with us. He joked around with him, as he did with Sean, and hummed the “Battle of the Green Beret” song as he rocked him. Even though holding my baby didn’t necessarily bring me comfort it helped me to see my husband hold him, to see him be so strong and to be a good father to our son even after he was gone. My husband cried. Rarely have I seen him cry but he cried and although it was often when he was alone - we did cry together. I don’t know how to describe it – pride, admiration, envy – but I do know that I have never met a better man (give or take a few shovels being thrown across our back yard), father, husband, person than John.