When someone dies, you don't get over your grief by forgetting, you get through your grief by remembering.
I thought that by trying to forget - things would eventually get better...but there is no forgetting. The reality is that there is nothing that can be done to re-do, change or fix what has happened. Being stuck in the confines of regret or what-if just make it harder to grieve in a healthy way.
Simply remember. Don't ever let anyone forget who your child or children are. Its the only way we can continue to parent our children...by remembering them.
Below are a few ways in which you can continue to remember your baby:
Pictures
Take pictures. I regret NOT having taken pictures. I think at the time I thought there was something wrong with doing that. I only have one picture, but I've managed to work with it. I use pictures of things that I saved, like the mass card, or try to take pictures of things I've done in memory. I've even used pictures of things that simply remind me of him or how I feel. There are lots of people/organizations that help with having something tangible for families to have to remember their child or children they have lost. Below are some sites I've used in the past or recently found:
Christian's Beach To Write Their Names In The Sand
Abiding Hope
Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep
Baby Angel Pics
Donate
I try to "do good" for Daniel. I plaster his name all over those $1 donations at the grocery store. When making donations for fundraisers I try to make them in memory of my son and when I can't at the very least I know my willingness to donate is because of him. I've also directly raised money for causes in memory of him such as the March of Dimes. I'd like to also donate my time....whether it be helping another child or even a family who is struggling with a loss. I don't know if I'm there yet, but I'm sure one day I will be.
Subtle Tangible Items
I'm not a very "in your face" type person so I like to take small subtle items and place them around my house. Small pieces of artwork that remind me of my little boy intricately placed in different locations tend to work for me. I also have a necklace - stamped metal - that has all my children - but what I love most is that it has Daniel included. Its my way of remembering.....we all have our own way and we have to do what works best for us.
Remembrance Events
Although far and few between, attending an event specifically to honor and remember all of the babies we have lost is a nice way to not only honor and remember but also realize that you aren't alone in this. There are other families suffering and, as sad as it is, there is comfort in knowing that you're not the only purple monkey in a see of white elephants. A great place to visit for remembrance walks/events is http://www.october15th.com/
