Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Season of Grief.....Moving Forward

It's that time of the year and the impending season of Spring always seems to stir up feelings of anger, unwarranted guilt, and deep sadness that sit stagnant in my heart. Life seem so much harder when you're consciously carrying around this grief that never really seems to go away. Just as the weather starts to get warmer and signs of winter begin to vanish my heart always seems to get heavier. The heart really does remember. What a helpless feeling! As frantically as I try to find a place to stuff away the pain - there just isn't any place big enough to shove it!

On the one year anniversary of Daniel's stillbirth, we mourned deeply and stayed focused on the loss. Last year we tried to take a different focus and honor Daniel by doing good for others - and ourselves. We raised over $2000 for the March of Dimes.

As a result of the fundraising we received a $100 Macy's gift card which we donated to Doing Good In Her Name. We also received an autographed basedball from Red Sox player Kevin Youkilis which we are donating to Sean's school for an auction. We also made numerous donations to other organizations driven mostly by the empathy in our hearts as a result of losing our son.

This year we will continue to honor Daniel, remember his loss and above all continue to be thankful for what we DO have instead of staying stuck on what we should have. My husband - the wonderful father that he is, had his motorcycle - although the proper terminology might be Harley - painted to honor Daniel.

My plan is to raise $2400 by running 24 races over the next 10 months! For every race I run my employer will send $100 to the charity of my choice. I plan to have the money donated to The Hygeia Foundation, Inc.and Institute for Perinatal Loss and Bereavement and Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep . Running has been my sanity - something I turned to the month's following the loss of my son. I would really like to channel it into doing something positive for others. In addition, we will again be raising money for the March of Dimes in memory of Daniel. If you would like to make a donation in memory of Daniel please use this link to go to my fundraising page Support the 2011 March for Babies Campaign

Can anything good come from losing your child? My heart says no - at least not at first - I don't think you can even see the light at the end of the tunnel years after this type of loss. If I could go back in time and save him....get to bring him home with me alive.... of course I would. I can't and that is the reality. We can only control so much in our lives - fate is inevitable.....it is impossible to undo what has already been done, so it is really up to us to make a conscious decision to take what we have been handed and turn it into something that makes us better.