When we first lost Daniel one of the hardest things to do was to find help or even people who could relate to what we were going through. Very few understand this kind of pain and those who did were either long past their loss, in a different phase of grief or too afraid to talk about it
On-line Resources - On-line resources were my saviors! As you are probably already aware, they provide you with the sense of security you need to open up and be vulnerable. Because stillbirth is uncommon, online resources also provide the opportunity to "talk" with others from all over the world who are going through what you are going through close to or at a very similar point in time following your loss.
Below are some resources that I found helpful during the first couple years after losing Daniel:
Babycenter Community - Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Loss
Hygeia Foundation
First Candle
MISS Foundation
Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep Foundation
Carly Marie Project Heal
Therapy - yes I said therapy. I WAS the last person to advocate getting help in this manner, but after finding that it was something I had to do it really did turn out to be helpful. If you have the benefits and money to cover this type of help I would recommend it. Sometimes it takes someone else - not directly involved - to get you back on track. Looking for support from your spouse seems appropriate, but it can some times be stressful on them since they too are grieving.
I was lucky enough to see a midwife turned therapist who had first-hand seen the devastation that the loss of a child had on a mother. She had a special interest in this area and it helped tremendously to hear her prespective and insight. If possible try to find someone that specializes in dealing with this type of trauma.
Support Groups - I personally have not attended one. They are far and few between. I did attend a meeting where it focused on the loss of a child but at any point in time and although everyone there had all lost children I felt like my loss was a little different. These families had tangible memories ....we only had hopes and dreams. In Connecticut, the Hygeia Foundation does have a group that meets periodically in Woodbridge, CT. I will try to attempt to put together a list - a daunting task since many of these groups are not well publicized!
Compassionate Friends
Share
International Stillbirth Alliance
Hygeia Foundation
Help Through Help - I'm a big believer that your own healing can start once you are able to acknowledge the pain others are suffering and find the strength to help them through. Only a few months after Daniel died a teacher at my son's daycare found out her son had died in her belly. I was able to talk to her and tell her everything I would have wanted or needed to have heard and let her know what to expect so that she could be sure that she was handling the situation the way she needed to handle it. I wish I had taken pictures, I wish I had looked at his toes, I wish I had a much bigger funeral......I had so many regrets but making sure someone else didn't have to feel the same way as I somehow helped me. Help others and it just seems to help.
Books - Since so much is available on-line these days its often easy to forget books! A parent at the daycare where my oldest son attended gave me a bunch of books which I read. My OB had also suggested a book she frequently read. Reading is very therapeutic. As time goes by I will add to this blog a list of books that can be used to help with the grieving and coping process.
