Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Great Article...."The Heartbreak of Infant Loss"

The Heartbreak of Infant Loss
By Laura Schubert
Infant loss is nature's cruelest practical joke. It's investing all of the required time and effort into pregnancy, only to be robbed of the result. It's cradling a body that grew within your own and trying to reconcile the cold, lifeless form in your arms with your memory of the baby who turned double flips in your womb.

It's worrying that you'll forget what your child looked like and snapping an album's worth of photos that no one will ever ask to see. It's sobbing so hard you can't breathe and wondering if it's possible to cry yourself to death.

Infant loss is handing off a Moses basket to the nurse who's drawn the unfortunate duty of delivering your pride and joy to the morgue and walking out of a hospital with empty arms.
It's boxing up brand new baby clothes and buying a 24-inch casket. It's sifting through sympathy cards, willing your foolish body to stop lactating, clutching your baby's blanket to your chest in hopes of soothing the piercing ache in your heart.

It's resisting the urge to smack the clueless individuals who compare your situation to the death of their dog or who tell you you'll have another baby, as if children are somehow replaceable.
Infant loss is explaining to your 7-year-old that sometimes babies die and being stumped into silence when she asks you why. It's watching other families live out your happy ending and fighting a fresh round of grief with every milestone you miss.

It's being shut out of play groups for perpetuity. It's skipping social events with expectant and newly minted mothers because, as a walking worst-case scenario, you don't want to put a damper on the party.

It's listening to other women gripe about motherhood and realizing that you no longer relate to their petty parental complaints because, frankly, when you've buried a baby, a sleepless night with a vomiting toddler sounds something like a gift.

Infant loss is pruning from your life the friends and relatives who ignore or minimize your loss. It's recognizing that, while they may not mean to be hurtful, the fact that they don't know any better doesn't make their utter lack of empathy one whit easier to bear.

My baby girl would have been 5 years old this month. I don't know what she'd look like, what her favorite food would be. I've never had the privilege of tucking her into bed, taking her to the zoo or kissing her boo-boos. I will never watch her graduate or walk down the aisle.
Infant loss is more than an empty cradle. It's a life sentence.

Laura Schubert of New Berlin is a mother, teacher and two-time breast cancer survivor. Email

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Thank You For Remembering!

It has been about 6 months since the March of Dimes walk and I am intentionally just now saying thank you to all those who donated in honor of my son, walked to help save babies and provided support by just being there with my family on that day. It means so very much to us. Unfortunately I am one of THE worst photographers so I only have a few pictures of the day.

I really want people to understand that giving is more than just opening up your wallet - it is a strong acknowledgement of the heartache and struggles that others are facing -- the value of which far surpasses any monetary donation. Please continue to give, with your heart, to others - its what makes living in today's world more tolerable.

As a reminder, the month of October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss remembrance day. Please take time out of your busy day to light a candle in memory of all the babies who have died.

Thanks again - we are so appreciative of your support!