Monday, May 3, 2010

2 Years 1 Week & 3 Days

I intentionally did not post on Daniel's day simply because I just needed to soak it all in. This year was some ways easier but in other ways harder. I suppose it was easy because it wasn't the first, but hard because it just makes you realize the permanence of things - there will be lifetime of April 23rds for me to go through. I wonder if each year will get easier or if we won't make the day as special as time goes by?

This year I raised money in honor of Daniel for the March of Dimes. It gave me the opportunity to speak about him and to bring some awareness to others about pregnancy loss. Most surprising to me was the amount of support I received from people I barely knew.....and yet I have family who couldn't even acknowledge my son on his day. Strange how that works. I try not to be angry because I know people just don't know how to be, but its really hard to not feel some animosity towards the people in my life who call themselves "family".

I will say this - a very special friend placed a beautiful candle in a lantern on Daniel's marker. The candle is supposed to burn for a very long time, but when my husband and I arrived at the cemetary it appeared to be out. As we stood over Daniel's grave and talked, a stream of smoke came out of the lantern - we took it as a sign and it was just really nice to have something like that to reassure you that our loved ones in heaven are with us.

We should walk away from the loss of a loved one having learned something - whether it be how to grieve, how to continue to love, or how to let go - our losses should not be for naught.