Milestones

Throughout everything in life there are milestones - turning points, goals met, or obstacles overcome that make movement more obvious. Throughout grieving the loss of Daniel there have been many turning points - the ultrasound, the hospital, the funeral, etc. Each one has been difficult and there continue to be milestones, although decreasing in magnitude, that conjure up so many emotions and aching pain.

Tears don't flow as freely as they have in the past few weeks, but the pain is still there. The pieces do start to sweep themselves up and life does go on - there is hope. I have another milestone today and although it seems silly it is a hard one for me. Going back into work. It symbolizes so much for me - it was the last place I was before I found out we lost Daniel. It was the last place where I had tried so hard the day before the loss to feel him kicking in my stomach. Although I know everyone at work is great - going back to work is a huge weight on my shoulders and I just have to get it over with so that I can drop the 20 lbs on my shoulders and keep moving along this path.

My husband had his first "So did your wife have the baby?" - it was hard for him but he got through that milestone. I am sure there might be someone who says to me "So you had the baby!". I don't know how I will respond and I guess I am afraid of not knowing - its that fear that makes going back difficult. Off to work I go. I am sure traffic will be particularly worse today, I will have to park extra far from the building, the printers will be broken and my desk will be gross, but, as with everything else in life, overcoming milestones are never easy but once you do - there is an overwhelming sense of relief - less weight to carry as you go a long in the process of grieving and life in general.