Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Bad Mommy.....Better Person

I haven't posted here in a while. I feel like a bad mommy. It certainly isn't because Daniel hasn't been on my mind. I've realized that a lot of what I do today is because of my son, because of the loss, the grief and the heartache. I know I'm a better person. I care for others - complete strangers. I've developed a tremendous amount of compassion for people who are suffering that I never had in me before.

We have to sometimes take what we are handed in life and make it make us. I'm trying - it doesn't make the pain go away but it makes me at least feel like something more than heartache has come out of all of this.

On another note.....I am half way to my goal. For every race I run my company donates $100 to my chosen charity. So far I've run 12 races - 14 by the end of this month. I've chosen Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (NILMDTS) and the Hygeia Foundation.

In addition, I am one of the finalist for an essay contest to win a trip to Disney to run in the Disney Half Marathon. The 300 word essay had to answer the question - how does running help you reach your full potential? I think what was most significant for me was that I was able to highlight the loss of my son. I am so tired of being afraid to talk about my stillborn son for fear of crying or making someone else feel uncomfortable. I want to raise awareness and let people know that the loss of a child before he is born breathing is as painful as the loss of any other loved one in our lives.

I'm working on being a better person, but I'd like to start being a better mommy to Daniel - I need to visit his grave more often, blog more and most importantly speak of him when I can.