We know now that Daniel was perfect. There was nothing wrong with him - as there was nothing wrong with me. There are three vessels in an umbilical cord and some time between the 2nd and 3rd trimester one of of those vessels shut down. There was only 5 mm of the third vessel still intact and that was at the placenta. Essentially Daniel wasn't getting enough blood and nutrients through the two vessels in order to continue to grow and that is what caused him to die.
My son is gone and today should have been a very happy day for us, but it is now another day in our lives that we add to the list of days where we sit back and remember someone special in our lives that we have lost.
I want to take a moment to just say how tremendously incredible my son Daniel is. He never even took one breath of life but he has had such a powerful impact on our lives and the lives of those around us. Here is what he has accomplished in his very short lifetime:
- Daniel has taught Sean about life and death in only a matter of a few days. Some people may never know the joy of an impending birth - at least not until adulthood. It takes some people years to ever have to deal with the loss of a sibling if they are lucky enough to have one. Sean had no choice but to face two of the most significant experiences in life that can forever change a person - life and death. Losing Daniel will make Sean a stronger person and he will learn from it all that any of life's challenges can be overcome - it just takes time and hope.
- Daniel has taught John and I that life is not yielding. Life around us continues no matter what a person encounters and no matter how horrible things are. Knowing this - has made us realize that we must seize every moment of it the best we can. You can't get time back so you must use every minute of it wisely.
- Daniel has made other people realize what a precious gift from God children really are. Women have miscarriages, babies are stillborn, and infants die. Life can be lost instantaneously - along with the hopes and dreams parents have for their children and their lives with their children. I think some people now understand what a miracle it is to give birth to a child and I hope they keep Daniel in mind when their own children may seem overwhelmed.
- Daniel has taught us about perseverence, strength, and hope. A broken heart is so hard to heal, but it can get better over time - you can't let grief consume you. We have tried so hard to crawl out of this hole and continue to live and appreciate life. Even Sean, as little as he is, has made his journey through this. The other day Sean said to me "but they got to keep their baby" - he was referring to a friend whose mother recently gave birth to a baby. He continued to tell me about what a little boy at school told him. The boy said "Maybe if you have another baby you can keep that one." I think that gave Sean hope. Thank you little boy. Amazing how someone so small can understand the concept of hope.
- Most importantly, Daniel has reminded us about love and compassion. So many people have shown compassion towards us - people we don't even know. We have learned to accept compassion from others and been able to find compassion for others. Love - the love between myself, my husband, and my son - has been what has kept us together. Love will help pick you up when you are down and it will continue to hold you up until you can hold your own. Love will help you to find happiness during time of grief. Love is understanding and patient. Love listens and love communicates. Daniel has made us realize how much we love each other.
Thank you Daniel for making us realize so much. We miss you so and how we wish today could have been the day we brought you into this world. We may not have you but we have your memory and all the things you have taught us about life. We love you little buddy.
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