The last week or so Sean has been talking about Daniel quite a bit. He got really upset one night before bed just as I was brushing his teeth and said he really missed Daniel. I find it hard to believe that he is still so sad, but then again, we are so why wouldn't he be.
I remember reading once that children may not have a specific date related to the loss they are grieving but they will still show signs of grief and sadness relative to the season or close to the time frame in which the loss occurred. Daniel died in the spring just when the trees were starting to bloom and the cold weather was beginning to fade -the day we found out we lost him was a beautiful day......as much as I love the warmer weather the start of the season seems to sting a bit. I suppose Sean is experiencing some of that seasonal grief that I tend to feel.
Today was Sean's birthday and he asked that after his party at school we stop by the cemetery and bring flowers. We have been so busy this past year that this was the first time we have all gone to visit Daniel,to include Mia, as a family. It felt a little surreal knowing that Mia wouldn't be with us if we hadn't lost Daniel.
I am proud of Sean for working through his feelings and for remembering his little brother on a day that should really be all about him. Its almost been two years since the most horrible day of our lives - our hearts feel the pain of Daniel's loss like it was yesterday. I hope people can understand that the loss of a baby is just as painful and just as difficult as the loss of a father, a brother, or a friend. When we lose a loved one we grieve the loss of having that person no longer in our life, but when a baby is lost we lose the hopes, dreams and possibility of ever having that person in our life.
3 comments:
What a sweet brother!
I rarely come to your blog because I end up leaving it in tears. I feel such sadness for you. But, I decided to come check up on you and I do want to tell you this:
From what I am told, losing a father, a brother, or a friend doesn't compare to the pain you feel of losing your child. You are such a strong woman... Such a strong family... I know it is hard to understand, but everything must happen for a reason, otherwise there would be no explanation for Daniel to be the Angel he is. Just remember that he is always with you, John, Sean and Mia. Not in physical form, but his presence is there, deep in your heart where he will always remain. You will meet again, one day, just as intended...
Hey Guys, Its been awhile since I stopped by, its really hard to. Some may agree, some might not, I dont really care to be honest with you. People who havent lost a child the way that you lost Danny and I lost my boys have no idea how hard it is sometimes to relive and talk about it. You can never forget and for me, years later I havent moved on either. Its not the same as loosing a mom, dad, or even a sibling. Its worse. You never get the chance to hear them cry, or even watch them while they sleep. Opening this blog sometimes really makes me cry. The day that I lost Terrande the only Uncle that called was you, Uncle John. MILES away, going through whatever it was that you were going through, and the words "Nic, Im so proud of you, and I LOVE YOU" are imprinted in my heart. I WOULD NEVER WISH such a terrible thing on anybody! I just want you to know that even though I might not say it often, I do think about my baby cousin, and I do hope that the boys found eachother, cause as I was told my grandmom many years ago in the end you only have your family. So play nice boys, I will see you one day, until then, know that I love you and IM AWLAYS thinking and praying for all three of you!
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