Monday, August 18, 2008

It

Unless you have been in my shoes you will never understand what its like to lose a child - to have a baby that you will never hear cry. Just because I can walk around with my head held high - smile, laugh, and joke around doesn't mean that I don't hurt or continue to hurt each day. It does get better - it really does, but it is ALWAYS there. My heart is broken and even if I went on to have 100 more babies I will always feel the emptiness inside that comes along with losing Daniel.

There is nothing in the world to compare it to. I have lost close family members and seen tragic things but there is nothing that ripes my heart out like this. When I hear his name - spoken in passing and in regards to someone else - my heart breaks. You might think that I am better. It may seem that way because that is how you think it should work - be sad and then get better. No it doesn't work that way. It changes you from the inside out. It makes you question yourself, your actions, and life. "It" is horrible. I wish it never happened - to anyone.

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