Six By One

1 How would you describe your relationship to fear before and after the loss of your baby?

I would say that I was definitely less fearful or may be I should say more ignorant. I don't think people understand how often babies die, what a struggle it is for parents to try to overcome the pain and the heartbreak, or even fathom the tremendous amount of fear that comes along with a subsequent pregnancy. Giving birth should be a happy time but for parents who have lost a baby it becomes a fearful time - one filled with anxiety, doubt, and tears.

2 Is your lost baby/are your babies present in your life?

I'm not sure what this question is really asking, but I would say yes. Daniel is in our thoughts every day. We love him and miss him so much.



3 Tell us about something said or done after your loss that left you feeling nurtured or supported.

I think when I first found out Daniel died I went into defense mode and instinctively tried to protect my heart. The nurse that was with me said something that made me realize that I had to succumb to what God had handed to me and let my heart be broken. She said "No matter what you can never forget this baby". I wouldn't necessarily call this nurturing or support, but it allowed me to let myself be weak.



4 Tell us about something said or done after your loss that left you feeling marginalized or misunderstood.

I guess nothing would be that something. So many people did nothing or said nothing and that lack of acknowledgement of the loss of my child made me realize that no one will ever fully understand how we feel - only people who have lost their own child.



5 What's taken you a long time to do again? How did it feel, if you have?

Think into the future. We spent a lot of time just living in the present dealing with the grief and the emptiness of not having Daniel. Once we started to plan ahead and talk about the future I think it gave us hope and that helped us to feel like life does go on and that life will have so much more for us.



6 How would you describe yourself as a partner before, and after?

I can't speak for John, but I think I realized how much I love my husband and how much I need him. He is my everything and I don't think I realized that before all this happened. With that realization, I think I became a much more understanding and appreciative partner. I try to remind myself to not sweat the small stuff and just be grateful that I have him in my life.