Winning?

Winning the essay contest at work and getting a trip to Disney as well as entry into the Disney Half Marathon is just great. Even greater is the fact that I will be a guide for a U.S. Marine who will be running with the Achilles Freedom Team during the half marathon. This soldier was diagnosed with breast cancer while deployed in Afghanistan and is actively undergoing breast cancer treatment to include a bilateral mastectomy performed in August. I am completely and utterly inspired by her courage and feel so honored to be given this opportunity to learn from her experiences and witness her strength.

Conversely, winning has also shed a lot of light on the stillbirth of my son. I know I asked for this - I wrote the essay to emphasize the positive effects of running, the lessons learned while training for a distance race that can be applied to life and, more importantly, to raise awareness of stillbirth and the impact it has on the women and families that are forced to face this type of tragedy. 

A local newspaper wrote an article about me and I have to do a bit on the Fox news station next week. I feel really vulnerable right now......part of me just wants to crawl into a hole and hide out for a while. I think its because I am being forced to acknowledge my feelings and the events that transpired over three and a half years ago. I'm so used to just tucking things away. Its not like I haven't tried my best to deal with everything but I certainly haven't made it very public!

I refuse to let Daniel's short life be meaningless -- talking about him, helping others because of him and giving unselfishly with Daniel as my primary motivation are my small attempts to find a reason.