Almost Two Years

The last week or so Sean has been talking about Daniel quite a bit. He got really upset one night before bed just as I was brushing his teeth and said he really missed Daniel. I find it hard to believe that he is still so sad, but then again, we are so why wouldn't he be.

I remember reading once that children may not have a specific date related to the loss they are grieving but they will still show signs of grief and sadness relative to the season or close to the time frame in which the loss occurred. Daniel died in the spring just when the trees were starting to bloom and the cold weather was beginning to fade -the day we found out we lost him was a beautiful day......as much as I love the warmer weather the start of the season seems to sting a bit. I suppose Sean is experiencing some of that seasonal grief that I tend to feel.

Today was Sean's birthday and he asked that after his party at school we stop by the cemetery and bring flowers. We have been so busy this past year that this was the first time we have all gone to visit Daniel,to include Mia, as a family. It felt a little surreal knowing that Mia wouldn't be with us if we hadn't lost Daniel.

I am proud of Sean for working through his feelings and for remembering his little brother on a day that should really be all about him. Its almost been two years since the most horrible day of our lives - our hearts feel the pain of Daniel's loss like it was yesterday. I hope people can understand that the loss of a baby is just as painful and just as difficult as the loss of a father, a brother, or a friend. When we lose a loved one we grieve the loss of having that person no longer in our life, but when a baby is lost we lose the hopes, dreams and possibility of ever having that person in our life.

This Time of Year...

Believe me when I tell you that I think of Daniel constantly - every single day of my life since we lost him. There is something about this time of year that just makes my heart sink.....the start of March means that April will soon be hear and some how my body instinctively knows that the anniversary of Daniel's silent birth is upon us once again. This time of the year is when I'm probably at my worst.