I took Sean for his 4 year old check up this week and I am so glad I did. I had a really good time watching him interact with the nurses and the doctors and seeing how wonderful he is.
Several times during the exam from different people Sean was asked if he had any brothers or sisters. Each time I interjected and stated no and each time Sean gave me this confused look. I couldn't help but feel guilty. Its not that I don't acknowledge Daniel - he is a very big part of our life. I just don't want to get into a conversation about my stillborn son with complete strangers.
When Sean finally saw the pediatrician, she again asked at one point during the exam if he had any brothers or sisters at home. I stated no and he jumped in and said "but we have Daniel". The doctor looked at me strangely so I explained to her how we had a baby last year who was stillborn. She said "I see" and Sean just nodded his head and I smiled at him.
Later on I told him how proud I was of him for remembering his little brother. I did tell him that sometimes mommy doesn't mention Daniel because it makes me sad. I want him to know that its okay to talk about him - I wish I had half his courage and clarity. Not a day goes by where I don't think about my little boy in heaven - not talking about him doesn't mean he's not on my mind and in my heart.
5 comments:
My boys are the same way and I feel guilty about it too. When we're at appts or out and about, people are always asking about the baby and somehow I end up saying something about having 3 boys and they always pipe in "no mom, we have 4 boys". We get a lot of the confused faces but I don't even explain. I love that they remember him, I just wish I was as bold as they are.
That is so sweet. I love that he spoke up and made it clear that Daniel is still his brother.
It is the hardest thing to say. Mine is when people ask 'do you have any children?'.. 'yes one, but she's in heaven'... I know what you mean sometimes you just don't have the energy to explain it all again. My little girl was the same age as Daniel :)
Hi There,
I just came across your blog and started reading your story. I hope you don't mind.
I am so sorry that you are on this horrendous journey with us.
Daniel is beautiful.
I look forward to reading more.
Strength to you
Sean...I wish my son had the chance to know is older brothers too. Your such a great big brother!!! Never forget that...I love u!
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